Is it okay to come back to someone who once hurt you? The answer is NO. Someone who hurt you will continue to hurt you.
The issue in being the one who always gets hurt is rationality takes the backseat in driving your decisions. You know perfectly well what is happening, what the consequences will be and why it’s bad for you.
Usually, rationality does eventually win, but often, it takes a while to get there. Your emotions trump the bald truth screaming in your face because you give in too easily to your desire to wrap your arms around his or her neck again.
What actually happens to you
When you leave (or get dumped), the desire to go back is very strong, and breaking up even more difficult.
You fall flat on your face, and it’s not the first time you’ve done it, nor the last.
Admit to yourself, you love seeing this person’s name light up on your phone. You would do anything to see him or her genuinely smile. Finally, you crave the way he or she looks at you when you’re alone together.
But, you’re looking into his or her eyes and you’re not quite getting the reflection you want.
He or she can say you’re beautiful, and you want to believe it. The words reach a part of you that makes you ache in both pleasure and pain.
You know this person isn’t good for you, but you can’t help it. You’re drawn to the one and you can’t help but want him or her, even though you know how they aren’t good for you.
You just feel magic in the air around them. You feel like the world is more alive and you forget all your pain when you’re around them on a good day. But when it isn’t a good day it’s impossible to forget and you’ll torture yourself with self-hate for going back.
Why we tend to keep wanting to go back to the person who once hurt us
Well, sometimes, it usually seems like that person was a good person before, and they filled the void in your heart that was always empty. Once they leave, you feel empty and alone again. You feel as if no one is there for you anymore. While the person is the one who hurt you the most, they’re often the one who made you care about them the most.
You question yourself why they have left, what you have done wrong, things like that. You try to make up reasons for them to speak to you, but to no avail.
Mostly, you usually go back to those people because you’re stuck in the past when they have loved you and you deny the fact that they no longer enjoy your company. You keep reminiscing, not being able to find someone else to replace that person.
Reasons why you shouldn’t do that
REASON 1: PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE
“Maybe, this time will be different,” you tell yourself with willful naiveté. You know better, but you turn a blind eye, anyway.
If you have had enough painful episodes with such a man or woman, you know deep down in your heart that these people never change. Their show of repentance is false and things will be just the same as they were before once you are back. No matter how weak your heart is, you must stand up and persuade yourself against going back to a toxic person.
REASON 2: YOU’RE NOT IMPORTANT TO THEM
Remember, your needs and desires will never be addressed and you will always be the last on their priority list. You are not present in their lives for emotional reasons but to feed their ego and fulfill their needs.
While being happy is in one’s own hands, feeling lonely, sad, heartbroken, or insulted is also not desirable because of the actions of the other in a relationship. For a relationship to work, it is important that both partners feel happy and satisfied. At any moment if you feel you would be happier alone, it is time to call it quits.
REASON 3: CHANGES ARE FOR THE BETTER
It is human nature to resist the idea of change. This makes moving on extremely difficult. We tend to associate comfort with familiarity and keep going back to abusive relationships and fall into a vicious circle.
However, once you summon the courage to move on, you bring positivity in your life and open fresh channels allowing new people to enter. With time, new people will come who will treat you much better making you feel loved again.
REASON 4: YOU WILL BE HAPPY TOO
Don’t let anybody make you believe you deserve less. Abusive relationships lead us to believe we deserve ill-treatment. Even, we begin to blame ourselves for the poor state of things. The first step towards redemption begins with the strength to believe you are not the one who is to be accused.
It might be hard now, but believe, it will be better in the future and the pain you’re feeling inside will heal, it might take months or years, but eventually it will be okay.
You will grow on your own and work towards the person you want to be. Your happiness will be yours again and the best part is you will be the one who is creating it.
You owe yourself more than going back to the person who has hurt you time after time because as much as you want them to change, they won’t and you can’t help a person who doesn’t want to help themself.
If you go back to them they’ll just think that whatever they do you will forgive them for and keep doing it without any concern to how their actions make you feel.
They can apologize all they want for their actions and the way they made you feel, but they don’t actually mean it. Not when they continue to do the same thing over and over.
So, what should you do then?
All above means you shouldn’t do it. You shouldn’t think about coming back to a person that once hurt you.
Don’t let it be in a moment of weakness when you’re feeling alone and just want someone familiar to comfort you. And don’t let it be when you’re drowning your sorrows in a bottle and you send a text message that your future self will hate you for. Don’t let it be because you think you can’t do better and they’re still close enough for you to reach, but far enough that they might still be able to get away.
Don’t run back to them because you’re lonely, or sad, or heartbroken because the person who broke you won’t be able to fix the broken pieces and glue your heart back together. After all, they were the ones who broke it in the first place.
Find someone better. And even if you don’t, you’re better off.
And, while you are passing through the healing phase, avoid contact with that person completely. Heartbreak is an intimate feeling and it would be some time until you get the strength to overcome a wrong person who tries to control your mind, body, and emotions and use you for their benefit.