Funny and Witty Quotes About Marriage
Do you have a spouse? Are you thinking of getting married soon? You’ll get a funny glimpse of married life through these quotes!
Although marriage is undoubtedly a serious subject, it doesn’t hurt to have a good chuckle and use a little comedy about it. Unless, of course, you decide not to get married after reading them!
“Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” – Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
“Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” – William Congreve
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” – Hussein Nishah
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller
“A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” – Jackie Mason
“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Garner
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.” – Rodney D
“Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burn
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henry Youngman
“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock
Funny and Witty Quotes About Love and Friendship
This collection of amusing and witty quotations about love and friendship will help you start a conversation, whether you’re appreciative of a special friend, are in love, or just want to impress your friends or significant other.
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” –George Burns
“A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein
“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” – Bree Luckey
“It takes a long time to grow an old friend.” – John Leonard
“A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!” – Doug Larson
“Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet
