You may think that frequent fighting is a sign of incompatibility, not deep and true love, right? That couples who argue with each other are the ones who are doomed to break-up, that they have nothing in common and are ill-matched.
In fact, numerous studies show just the opposite. Couples who fight in a civilized way tend to have more loving and long-lasting relationships than those who never argue at all.
WHY COUPLES WHO ARGUE LOVE EACH OTHER MORE
Just because you never argue with your partner doesn’t mean that you are compatible. Similarly, just because you do argue doesn’t mean you dislike each other or are in a doomed relationship.
Arguing is not the same as fighting. Fighting is done out of anger or frustration, whereas arguing is done out of a difference of opinion or perspective.
1. Arguing is a sign of a mature relationship
Constant conflict avoidance is definitely not the best way to build a long-lasting relationship. On the contrary, if you’re able to speak your mind clearly when arguing, it means that you’re ready to take your love to another level.
Mature people don’t resort to personal attacks or yelling either. Instead, they always try to reach a compromise and improve their relationship with the help of a healthy argument.
2. It enhances your communication
Arguing is a skill that doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes, it can lead to a fight and to misunderstandings, but over time it can actually improve your communication.
Learning to argue with your partner means listening, voicing differences in opinion with respect, and challenging the other person’s position with the intent to gain understanding and not to prove them wrong.
When you can argue respectfully, you can communicate more effectively and reach a better understanding of each other which will actually reduce fights.
3. It means you do care
Of course, it would be much easier to just turn a blind eye to some of your partner’s habits that drive you crazy. But the fact that you’re ready to withstand all the pain and discomfort of fighting to get a better result in the future may be a sign of your true love.
In other words, arguing means that you’re more committed. When you’re arguing with your partner, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. The most valuable thing is that you learn a lot about each other and even more importantly, about yourself.
Small conflicts help both of you reveal your true nature and show your partner how to deal with it. And if you manage to overcome all the challenges together, you will learn how to compromise and strengthen the bond between you.
4. Arguing gives you a voice
Being able to argue with your partner gives you a voice in your relationship.
It’s easy to not want to rock the boat and just agree with everything your partner says or does, but that isn’t a balanced relationship and will eventually fall apart as you aren’t expressing yourself and what you need.
Arguing with your partner gives you a voice and allows you to express your needs and what you want from the relationship.
5. It challenges you both — in a good way
If you both agree on everything, then it’s really easy to fall into a rut.
There’s nothing to stimulate each other, nothing to promote growth in each other, and nothing to keep you interested.
Having a difference of opinion from your partner and participating in healthy arguments where you both share your different perspectives keeps you both growing and learning with and from each other.
6. Arguing keeps you healthier
“Conflict happens in every marriage, but people deal with it in different ways. Some of us explode with anger; some of us shut down,” lead researcher of University of California study Claudia Haase said. “Our study shows that these different emotional behaviors can predict the development of different health problems in the long run.” The solution? Civil fights. Don’t rage against your partner, but don’t hold all of your emotions in, either.
7. It makes you more likely to stay together
According to studies, the biggest mistake that couples usually make is avoidance — we often feel that something is wrong but say nothing. And this poor communication becomes the most common reason for breaking up.
Although you may believe that discussing sensitive issues won’t do any good for your relationship, that’s actually not true. Fighting allows you to focus on your problems and to solve them before they become too large. That’s why couples who argue together, stay together for a long period of time.
8. The best make-up sex that comes after
Arguing and fighting gives you an opportunity to have this best make-up sex that couples usually experience. It’s a classic Hollywood plot: Couple starts an epic screaming match with each other, then mid-fight, one partner pushes the other up against the wall, they kiss oh-so passionately, and things escalate to hot, steamy make-up sex.
It’s all about hormones. The relief of orgasm and pleasure increases serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin (the love hormone). This means that while the hormones released during a fight can rile you up, the hormones released after a fight calm you down, make you feel satisfied, give you feelings of power, and increase your sense of safety — which, conveniently, all magically combine to make you want to bone. A true climax and resolution.