Limerence Is About Fantasy, Not Reality
Graham’s tale illustrates an addiction that is more akin to lust than love. In addition to seeing Lauren as his ideal lady, he also makes up stories in which he saves or plays the part of the hero in Lauren’s life. This is more than simply a physical desire; it’s a sign of a strong emotional yearning to be accepted by Lauren and to have that acceptance translate into a long-term place in her life.
Even more, his rich fantasy world surrounding Lauren tempts him to act pathologically and stalk Lauren. Observe that despite just having gone on a few dates together, Graham is already upset as a result of Lauren’s breakup. Even though he only has a superficial understanding of her, he has still developed an impression of who she is based on what he does know.
Graham has inflated Lauren’s favorable aspects (her wit and excellent beauty) while underplaying her bad characteristics in this obsessive attachment (her standoffish disinterest). The ultimate fantasy relationship that Graham has made permits him to be emotionally unavailable while yet enjoying some of what he perceives to be love. Graham has established a full-fledged commitment to a lady he barely knows.
Is There a Cure for Limerence?
Limerence can ultimately diminish if the object of one’s affection does not reciprocate it or moves on to another relationship, but there is no guarantee that it won’t sometimes be increased by the other person’s lack of interest. Love and limerence intersect in that the more ‘difficult’ the possible partner looks to attain, the more appealing that person may inevitably become to you.
Keep your fantasies in check since the condition of limerence might result in some really scary conduct. Even accepting that this is an obsession rather than a natural partnership will help you re-establish your connection to reality.
In the era of social media, it’s simpler than ever to conjure up a detailed vision of the characteristics of a potential partner and how they would meet your desires. We have a propensity to glance at someone’s web presence and learn everything there is to know about them. By learning what we would typically learn through time and naturally, we accelerate intimacy.
If you believe you have an obsession or limerence, consider why you are pulled to this person and what they stand for. Frequently, rather than being fixated on this person, we are fixated on what they signify to us. They could signify a fresh start following a breakup or the satisfaction of important childhood desires.
They could be a simpler way to deal with our emotional unavailability than, perhaps, genuinely addressing the cause of it. After all, having a dream relationship is sometimes a far more attractive idea than having to manage the actual challenges of preserving a true connection.
It’s critical to remember that levels of limerence can range from moderate to severe. You must determine whether this is merely a crush or whether it has developed into a serious issue that needs expert help. If so, consulting a therapist may be beneficial.
You must examine your inner self in order to find any scars, fears, weaknesses, or traumas that may have caused you to feel “tethered” to a love that may not be mutual or even poisonous.
