CAPRICORN
Capricorns are dependable, diligent, and incredibly boring. They never stop moving as they make their way to their next grandiose illusion. They frequently have strong arithmetic skills, which helps to explain why they may be such a hassle. René Descartes must have been a Capricorn since he was a brilliant mathematician but a terrible philosopher. Stephen Hawking is all of the aforementioned plus a pretentious S.O.B. to boot, making him even more of a Capricorn. Even in great health, you cannot overcome being a Capricorn, despite the fact that he has conquered many hurdles, etc.
Because most politicians are Capricorns, our nation is always in debt. Politicians naturally require a lot of protection around them at all times. Capricorns resemble an odd hybrid of a Virgo and a Leo. They believe that this endows them with both charm and reason. In actuality, it just means they have to keep their egos in the back yard and are fussy and tight-fisted. Only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive a nuclear war. Simply said, the rest of us don’t want to live in such a world. Toll road infrastructure across the country was presumably planned by a frickin’ Capricorn.
Early on, they acquire the skills necessary to defraud the people. For Christmas, their parents give them legal books so they can highlight the exceptions. Because philosophical ideas do not include equations, Capricorns cannot even begin to comprehend them, much less articulate them.
Capricorns have a large collection of Filofaxes and other organizing aids for their unorganized life. They enjoy using their cell phones and being seen doing so. Since Capricorns don’t have any pals to call, these phones aren’t even turned on. In 1989, Capricorns were considered outdated. They continue to think that Trump was an innovator. Capricorns make up the majority of those detained for counterfeiting.
AQUARIUS
The Aquarius is a party animal. Their tagline is “anywhere, anytime.” Undoubtedly, an Aquarius will think of a wake as a nice venue to meet women. The 1960s were the final decade in which it was acceptable for people to be publicly nude, therefore Aquarians often have sentimental memories of that era. Aquarians adore the bare look. Even better would be for them to be nude and crocked. In the previous thirty years, Aquarians have devoured 97.4% of the Night Train.
Nearly all Aquarians will claim to have at least once seen Jerry Garcia’s likeness in their Froot Loops. The cereal Froot Loops is highly Aquarian. The same goes for Rice Krispies, as it will converse amicably with the Aquarian as they are enjoying breakfast. But Count Chocula is off-limits. It is a Scorpio thing.
The only members of the zodiac that can play volleyball with oneself are Aquarians. And they do so rather often. The term “Dude, guy…” is widely used by Aquarians to describe philosophical ideas. Out-of-body experiences happen often to Aquarians. You should give up on the discussion if you are speaking to an Aquarian and they are zoning out. He or she is conversing with the man standing three feet away.
The joy of aquarius is in how they channel others. Additionally, they will run about nude if you order them to. Astronomy appeals to Aquarians since they have traveled to all those locations. Ask an Aquarius if you want to know what the food is like on Saturn. If they work really, really hard, they can also walk on water. Typically, this takes place in the bathtub. Every sin there is on the globe is permissible for Aquarians, and they don’t second-guess it. They irritate everyone else because of this. They have a cosmic right to do this. Rock performers tend to be Aquarians.
PISCES
You hear jokes and laughing everywhere you go. If you were attempting to be hilarious, this would be fantastic.
The concept of sex is completely perplexing to you. If it didn’t occur in “The Velveteen Rabbit,” in your opinion, it doesn’t exist. Piscean ladies dress in long, flowing gowns and adorn themselves with a profusion of strange silver jewelry. when hiking.
Despite claiming to enjoy the stars, Pisceans can only identify the Big Dipper as a constellation. They weep if they are unable to locate it. Although you can recall what you were wearing on March 3, 1981, you cannot recall your own address. You don’t know where you are. Pisceans are frequently observed driving in reverse at 70 mph on expressways.
The two causes of death for Pisceans that are most common are being hit by a truck or falling out of a window. Of course, unless they have a cancer diagnosis. Pisceans might trigger a Leo’s maternal instincts since they are so tense and always in danger. However, don’t be misled; many Pisceans have the potential to kick your ass and the asses of your four imaginary buddies, as well.
Leos often have the most success in the entertainment industry, whilst Pisceans aim to make history by pure chance. They are pleased to inform you that Pisceans include Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein—all of whom were not represented by an agency. They won’t tell you, though, that Ted Kennedy is one of them. According to Pisceans, they seek “honest critique” of their work. When you declare you don’t like it, they then perform hara-kiri on the ground.
Never try to reason with a Pisces; they are either living in Narnia or approximately three feet above the ground. Nonsequiturs, Elizabeth Barrett Browning quotations, and, of course, sobbing are some of their preferred methods of argumentation. Regardless of the language techniques Pisceans employ to explain philosophical ideas, they aren’t sure they understand what they’re talking about.
You grieve over dead animals on the road, but you have no regrets about running over people you disagree with. Cancerians often contradict themselves verbally. Scorpios make one statement and then act in spite of it. Pisceans talk much too much and act as they choose.
