Funny Horoscope: All Zodiac Signs Hilarious Description

Funny Horoscope: All Zodiac Signs Hilarious Description

Here are 12 hilarious horoscopes to help you laugh, feel hopeful, and connect with everyone you know who is born under a particular sign of the zodiac. After all, laughter is the best medicine!

ARIES

Funny Horoscope: All Zodiac Signs Hilarious Description

Aries people have bushy eyebrows and haughty faces. They should not be so arrogant considering how frequently they bump their heads. “Hard Headed Woman,” by Cat Stevens, was probably an Aries.

Aries don’t often contradict themselves verbally. They frequently make poor decisions and don’t talk about them. If you don’t want your kidneys yanked out via your sinuses, never bring this up to an Aries.

Because Pisceans provide Aries people a sense of stability, Aries people adore Pisceans. They like making fun of the silly moon people who are still sucking their thumbs at age 35. Guns are used by Aries to illustrate philosophical ideas.

You will maintain this point of view till the day you die, whether you reside in a mansion or a cardboard tepee. In at least two previous incarnations, the majority of Aries were concrete parking bumpers. Aries is not a birth sign. They emerge from their mothers’ wombs with joy. You could even need rollerblades for this.

The Aries makes decisions in life like a little child. Aries get married a lot for laughs but never get divorced. Numerous freak accidents involving their wives end in fatalities or severely disabling injuries. God, being perfect, is presumably an Aries. As a result, Satan would be an Aquarius.

Aries people are always in leadership roles. If one is given the task of cleaning bathrooms, he will organize a one-man union. He will then go to picket in the parking lot. You all believe that you are Lech Walesa.

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When an Aries appears, people flee. They are aware that the Aries will set them on fire if they don’t. Because Scorpios pride themselves on being even more egocentric, Aries detest listening to their conversations. You are the greatest jerks in the zodiac, much to the chagrin of the Scorpios. Everyone else’s asses are covered with your rams’ horns.

TAURUS

Funny Horoscope: All Zodiac Signs Hilarious Description

You are the embodiment of dark feeling. You may shoot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps “just ’cause” one minute and be down the next.

Because of how earthy you are, you might not take as many showers as the average person. Or it can just be a way for you to sigh and roll about with your nose in some clover.

Taureans dislike advertisements and argue with waiters, yet they enjoy watching joyful movies where everyone is cheerful and having a good time. They like analyzing their pals but have little actual life experience. Taureans murmur when explaining abstract ideas.

The Taurus is an odd bird because he or she harbors resentments over events that never truly occurred. This might be due to inferiority complexes brought on by Aries taking the top spot in the zodiac sign. The Taurean self-image is one of constantly being second best. They are unquestionably the greatest at making you feel inferior, though. Taureans all aspire to be God. God is an Aries, which is unfortunate.

Because you always respond to questions with more questions, you are often difficult to understand. You won’t emerge from the bed either. Most Taureans like a good fight. If nothing is wrong, that is a problem in and of itself. Some people enjoy bar fights in particular. If they are unable to engage in a real bar fight, they will invent intriguing tales about them to tell their friends just before having them undergo psychoanalysis. Taureans wouldn’t know what to do if Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus weren’t around.

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You sense that your life is going nowhere. I think you’re right. Taureans are in plenty in Milwaukee. Taureans are forceful and impatient. They are moving really quickly to get to the destination they want to go, which is nowhere. They act out scenarios of how things would be if they were God and create miniature dioramas of their houses complete with little effigies of the individuals they know.

GEMINI

Funny Horoscope: All Zodiac Signs Hilarious Description

Because everyone likes a psychotic, everyone loves a Gemini. Although you prefer to think of yourself as a hybrid of Michelangelo and Socrates, the truth is that you are more like Prince and Bea Arthur.

You are one of Cedar Point’s most well-liked rides because you are forward-thinking and gregarious. By the time you are done reading this line, though, you will be able to and probably will negate all of this. Geminis drive amusing vehicles. They frequently crash them into trees or structures. Geminis are overbearing and aggressive. At weddings, they engage in altercations with young children and moon people. They like using Libras as human targets.

A Gemini who is bisexual is a walking double date. The remainder have both sexes. Geminis damage their own residences. They express philosophical ideas using absurd analogies. Rarely do Geminis participate in the Olympics. When they do, it’s often air hockey or pool. The game Frogger also appears.

Geminis are always taking medicine of some kind. It’s not always legal to use this drug. Latin for “I’m alright, I’m okay” is Gemini. Geminis need to be heard, therefore they talk quite loudly. It’s unfortunate since they almost never stop talking to themselves. In fact, kids frequently engage in lively debates in the bathtub with themselves.

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As a result of their tendency to be abidextrous, Geminis can commonly pick both sides of their noses simultaneously. Essentially, the Gemini is just an anxious Aquarius.

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