Most of us get disappointed when our expectations are not met. We thought someone would be something, do something – and they didn’t come through, and naturally we become disappointed.
But if you are going to be successful, the important thing is not to expect anything from anyone that you are not willing to do for yourself.
“My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”
STOP EXPECTING THESE 12 THINGS FROM OTHERS
1. Don’t Expect Everyone Else to Understand You
No one has had your upbringing, walked in your shoes, or lived your life. Experiences that formed your current view of life are totally different than that of every other person walking this earth.
So don’t expect someone else to “get” who you are deep inside. Some will relate closely; others won’t have a clue what you are talking about.
If you have been clear, you have done your part. There are people who will appreciate what you have shared and connect with it. Others are not in the same place, and that’s okay. Know that you have done what you can, and move on.
2. Stop Expecting Fulfillment of Your Template
Trying to find someone else to fulfill your life is an endless chase. Stop expecting to meet that one person who can meet all of your criteria.
One clear dictionary definition of the word “fulfillment” states: “satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character.”
That’s it. Once you find fulfillment with your own life, you are ready to connect with others in a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship.You have to get right with yourself before others can get right with you.
3. Don’t Expect People to Help You Every Time
Of course, good friends and family will help you when you need it, but don’t count on them to brush the dirt off your shoulders every time. Maybe they have their own internal struggles and can’t carry the weight of both your problems and theirs at the moment, so try to understand their point of view.
They want to help, but just can’t for the time being. That doesn’t mean they don’t care, it just means you have to channel your inner warrior and fight your own battles sometimes.
4. Don’t Expect Others to Apologize
Have you ever internally fumed at someone only to realize they had no idea they hurt or offended you? Sometimes even if someone DID intend to hurt you, they may have no interest in apologizing.
So much time and effort can be wasted expecting apologies we may never get. Let it go. Not holding out for an apology frees a person up to move forward.
“We should learn to accept apologies we have never received.”
5. Stop Expecting Ready Solutions from Others
We all have problems. Others can help us sort through potential solutions, but if the problems is in our life, it’s one we helped to create. It’s up to us to resolve what we instigated.
Think about it – has anyone’s suggested solution to your problems set right with you? We usually find others’ recommendations miss the mark. Only people with a victim mentality expect others to come to their rescue. Victors review options, take action, and adjust as needed.
6. Stop Expecting Changing People
If someone in your life has a particular trait that you secretly hope will eventually disappear, it’s important to realize that it probably won’t. If some type of significant change is necessary in order for a friendship or relationship to continue, be clear and honest about this and let the person know what you need.
However, as noted above, it’s not helpful to try and constrain people within your template of what you believe they should be. As such, you should generally avoid trying to change people; if you can’t accept them for how they are, perhaps you’re better off without them in your life.
Interestingly, it’s when we’re accepting and loving with others that they are actually most likely to change and grow in positive ways.
7. Don’t Expect People to Read Your Mind
People can’t just immediately tune into what you’re thinking. This means you have to communicate openly and honestly, making your real feelings clear.
For example, your boss doesn’t know you’re hoping to be promoted soon because you’ve never made it obvious that career advancement is important to you. Or, that attractive new person in your life doesn’t realize you’d love to go out because you’ve never actually communicated any interest!
The lesson here is simple: if you want something to change, you’ll need to tell people what you’re thinking. By all means be tactful and thoughtful in your presentation, but aim for transparency at all times.
8. Stop Expecting Others to Treat You How You Treat Them
Ideally, everyone would follow the golden rule, but we don’t live in a perfect world. Until everyone becomes more conscious, we will just have to accept that people will still treat us poorly because they lack a true relationship with themselves.
View their attitude from a compassionate stance, and you won’t feel so hurt if people don’t treat you as kindly as you treat them.
9. Stop Expecting Validation from Others
Have you ever worn something just because someone told you it looked good, even if it made you feel self-conscious? Sometimes an affirmation is the nudge we need to be confident. Often, however, we end up uncomfortable because we sought external validation over our own comfort.
Think about it. What did you wear in high school that you wouldn’t be caught dead in now? Do you shake your head when you reflect on how you spent money on it because it was the cool thing to buy at the time?
We crash and burn when trying to fit in or find validation from someone else. In the end, they often don’t even acknowledge us.
“When you are looking to be validated by others, you are living according to their values, not yours.”
10. Don’t Expect People to Agree Every Time You Speak
Even the best of friends don’t agree on everything, so don’t get upset when people challenge what you say, or simply have a different opinion. The world would be quite boring if no one ever disagreed; our unique perspectives and beliefs allow the planet to keep evolving and moving toward better solutions.
Think about what would happen if we all agreed with continuing to use fossil fuels to power our cars, houses, and just about everything in our lives…we wouldn’t have solar panels and electric cars if no one challenged the mainstream!
11. Don’t Expect Others to Believe in You
Truly confident people believe in themselves, not what other people believe or say about them. It is not arrogance, it is assuredness.
Don’t waste your time waiting for others to believe in you. We wait for other people to spot us, appreciate us, and build us up. In the end, it hurts our self-esteem even more because it doesn’t happen.
Don’t put the responsibility for your self-esteem on someone else. Start believing in yourself now, even if you have to start small. Make a promise and stick to it. Trust your gut. Speak well about yourself.
“People will believe in you when you believe in yourself.”
There is freedom that comes from getting out from under the expectations of other people. Taking the pressure off allows us to really live.
12. Stop Expecting Praise and Appreciation from Others
You may receive praise – or not. You can’t depend upon it from others. If you do good things expecting others to acknowledge it, you set yourself up for disappointment.
Don’t do something to earn people’s gratitude; do something because you want to do it, it helps you feel better, or it matches your integrity. Praise yourself. When you take a step in the right direction, overcome a funky mood, or do something kind for others – pat yourself on the back.
It doesn’t matter what others see. What matters is what you think about yourself. Make a personal commitment to engage in encouraging self-talk. This leads to self-validation.