A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Every story is different and inimitable; marriage is full of love, respect, truth, freedom, exchange blows, disagreements, cries, and much more. Your marriage is one of the most valuable relationships.
A successful marriage is a joy, but there are a few rules to observe in order to stay on the path to marital bliss.
12 Rules Every Marriage Should Live By
Here are some secrets to making your marriage last for the long haul.
1. Take a micro moment
It takes just a micro moment of genuine connection to spark a spiral of mutual care between people. So, instead of grandiose gestures once in a while, you are better off sharing interesting anecdotes about your day to your partner, going on surprise dates, ordering your partner’s favourite dessert at work, and calling each other through the day to keep the romance going.
Micro moments are crucial to us humans. Research shows that the healthiest humans are ones who engage in positive mutual contact with other humans through the day. When we hug our partner, child or pet, we are again creating those magic moments that increase happy brain chemicals. In any intimate relationship, micro moments are very necessary, be it a long hug/kiss or a love note when the partner isn’t expecting it.
2. End an argument with an apology
You slipped and name called, broke a promise, forgot to do a favor or talked bad about your spouse to someone else. Always and immediately stop, turn to or go to the other person as soon as you can and ask forgiveness and mean it. Always be quick to ask forgiveness.
Sincerely asking for forgiveness means you have a repentant heart working to change that behavior. Don’t let pride stand in your way. Asking forgiveness is not an act of weakness, but an act of strength. Don’t consider inconvenience or busyness reasons not to ask for forgiveness immediately. Your marriage should be tops on your to-do list always. Be the first to ask forgiveness.
You understand the importance of marriage, and saying sorry after a stupid fight can save a lot more damage that happens in the brawl.
3. Never call each other disgraceful names
Name calling is hurtful and will not help anything. Name calling should never be a part of any discussion, nor substitute for a discussion. Find another way to express your feelings other than calling names.
Name calling works against any satisfactory resolution, attacks the other person and can damage the relationship. Perhaps a choice or action was unwise and that’s OK to point out in love, but calling the person stupid crosses the line. Agree on the rule that if either partner slips and name calls, they should immediately stop and ask the other for forgiveness.
4. Always talk positively about each other to others
When you build up your partner, you are building up your relationship. Some partners believe they can feel better about themselves only by tearing down their partner, declaring how right they were and how wrong their partner was in any given situation and hearing others back up their point of view.
If you talk negatively about your partner, you are actually talking negatively about yourself and your marriage and your choice as a marital partner, and discounting in public broadcast your ability to get along with your mate and work through your problems together. That’s not cool, politically correct nor the Christian way to be a good spouse.
5. Don’t play the blame game
If you constantly blame the other person and get defensive all the time, it can cause your relationship to crumble. Acknowledge your role in the mistake, and apologize even though you feel something was done unintentionally. Everyone makes errors – share the burden.
Do not ever play a blame game; do not do comparisons with others, all this add fuel to fire.
6. Talk to your partner, communicate
Communication flushes out truth, and truth brings understanding. All of this leads to a healthier relationship where love has a chance to grow stronger. But if communication is lacking, then truth is often not seen. That’s when we can become weary of the same person repeatedly offending us.
Ensure that you talk about important issues, be it finances, investments, the children’s future or your partner’s career. At the same time, do not brush negative emotions under the carpet.
Be open, talk about sex, it is one of the most integral parts of marriage. If you are unhappy or not satisfied with your sex life, do consider taking professional help. Go to bed together. Talk about daily actions. It helps in building a connection.
Talk to your partner, it is the preeminent tool for a healthy marriage. Try to have open communication.
7. Keep your partner’s preferences in mind
If you are gifting your partner, bear in mind that it should make them feel special and not vice versa. Many of us tend to go instinctively with what makes us happy when gifting our partner – be it in terms of presents, or picking a restaurant or movie for dinner.
It’s an innocent error, because it’s easiest to know what brings you joy from your own experience. However, the idea is to make your partner happy. Be mindful to pick what they appreciate and enjoy.
8. Be respectful towards your partner
Tolerance is the best way to prevent needless quarrels in a marriage. Try to avoid changing your partner and be respectful of individual differences in habits and customs. Avoid saying hurtful and spiteful things to your partner (especially as you know their weaknesses).
Respect each other’s feelings, choices, emotions, utilities, and desires.
9. Never mention the word ‘divorce’
Agree together that marriage is a partnership, and the challenges in and of marriage should be considered a joint project that both partners work together to resolve. Problems should be met by both persons with high regard for protecting, preserving and building the marriage.
Couples can grow closer together on a rocky road. That means talking divorce just isn’t a rabbit trail to explore. The threat of divorce should never be used as a weapon against the other person or as a substitute for working together to resolve a problem.
10. Express your love daily
Never hesitate to say “I LOVE YOU”. Sometimes you need to show your love to assure that you still love him/her. Be open with your expressions of love.
“The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re still alive.”
11. Do things by yourself
Just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to do everything with your spouse. Doing everything with your partner eventually leads to monotony. One ends up feeling smothered in the other person’s company and getting annoyed by their quirks.
Ensure you leave time and space to miss each other, so that you want to do things together. Go on solo trips which will leave you both with time and space to miss each other.
12. Don’t drag in the in-laws or children
While you may harbour certain grudges towards your in-laws or your partner’s parenting skills, it is best to not drag them into any argument you are having with your spouse.
Most partners hurt each other by pointing out parenting flaws with their own kids or flaws with the partner’s family.