Ladies, there exist things men hate to hear! Why? Because they feel instantly defensive.
Psychologically, men don’t like feeling threatened. Their blood pressure rises, their heartbeat quickens, and they’re more likely to have a stress reaction. To you, it’s just a few words. To him, it’s a short sentence that he’ll never, ever forget. Here, the seemingly innocent observations that can really rock a relationship.
1. I’m too tired.
When it comes to turning down your man’s amorous advances, a plain old “I’m too tired” makes him feel rejected. Guys are used to stepping up to bat and striking out, but it would be nice for him to hear something like, “I would totally like to have sex with you, but I’m truly, truly exhausted – give me a rain check!”
While you might indeed feel tired, that’s not necessarily a good reason not to have sex. If you offer some cuddling and kissing, who knows? You might discover you’re in the mood after all.
2. You’re going out with the guys again.
A complaint mode doesn’t help at all. If you want the person to change, it’d be better to acknowledge that men will want to hang out with guys once in a while. And, yes women do need to do the same with their gang of girls. Tell him you’re okay but not this time as it’s becoming a bit too frequent. More since you need his help for an upcoming project at office or the children’s annual day or exams.
3. My ex used to do that.
Two reasons for this one: First, no-body likes to be regaled by stories of another person’s past significant others. No matter how funny or exciting that story is, it can either inflate man ego to insufferable level, while other times lead to a feeling of inadequacy. Second, it makes men feel like they are somehow competing with a ghost of your past.
4. We never do anything fun anymore.
Why’s that so bad? Because it puts all the responsibility on him and studies show that saying words like “never” and “always” are overtly threatening. They’re more likely to trigger a negative reaction. So ladies, take ownership of how you feel. Say something like “I miss you. Can we schedule a date night?” That way, you’ll come across as non-threatening and he’ll be much more open to the idea.
5. Does this make me look fat?
The problem with a statement like that is that it focuses on the negative. What do you expect him to say? Yes, you look fat?! Even when men are in love with somebody they don’t usually notice a new dress or a new haircut. They think you look great, and that’s it.
But what if you’re wondering if your guy is still attracted to you, or if craving some positive feedback and he seems oblivious? Take a positive approach. Ask, “Hey, how do you like my haircut?” or say something funny like, “Check out this rockin’ bod – five days of Pilates in a row!” That’ll get him talking.
6. I don’t want to be your mother.
Dragging mothers into a conversation invariably leads to unsavoury moments. Does he leave wet towels on the bed, used socks in the shoe cabinet or dirty plates on the table. Lovingly drag him to do it a few times till he learns it.
7. Is everything OK? You seem distant.
Many guys have a hard time communicating or sharing their emotions and a general question like that is just going to lead your guy to reply, “Everything’s fine.” He’s just going to feel defensive.
A better approach is to do a little thinking on your own about what could be going on with him, and ask him some specific questions – is he stressed out about his job search? Instead of an open-ended question, ease into a more specific conversation about what you think the issue is, like, “Hey, how did it go with the resumes today? I’m sure some good news is coming around the corner.”
8. Never mind, I’ll do it myself.
This simply means that he’s incapable of doing it. That can hurt a man’s ego and he can resist change. Perhaps, it might work if you said, “Honey, can you support us in doing this. I know you’re busy but I’d love your expert help here.”
9. If you really loved me, you’d…
Guys get upset because it sounds like you’re giving them an ultimatum. Instead, if you want something from your partner, you need to ask for it in a positive way. For example, say something like “I feel like I need more of your attention,” or “I’d like to take a vacation. Can we work out a plan?” Always begin these types of conversations by stating how you feel first, followed by a plan to work it out together.
10. Leave me alone.
When men hear this they immediately feel unwanted in the relationship. Instead, try telling him that you need some time to get over something that’s bothering you. He’ll generally turn responsive and go all out to understand and make you feel better.
11. We can’t afford that!
It may be true that a large flat-screen TV is beyond your budget, but flipping out won’t help. Instead, relax, count to 10, then make your opinion heard. For example, say something like “I’m happy you’re so excited about the TV, but I’m worried we won’t have enough money to pay the mortgage this month.”
If you give your partner the facts, they’ll be more likely to put away their wallet. Then maybe say something like “But let’s come up with a way to cut back in other areas so we can work toward that goal.” That way your partner will feel hopeful instead of shut down.
12. My mom’s coming to see us this weekend.
That’s automatically, like, “Oh no, this weekend’s gonna suck!” Instead of framing it in a way that makes him feel like you’re demanding he hang with you and your mom all weekend, try something like, “My mom’s coming to town, and we’re going to have a fun girls’ day, but we’d really love you to meet us for dinner or have a drink with us!