It’s not easy to accept that you’re a part of a failing relationship, but it’s necessary in order to forge a path back to joy.
All relationships – even the most successful – experience ups and downs. There are great times when you can almost read each other’s minds, followed by challenging periods when you seem to be miles apart. These variations happen even in healthy relationships too.
But when things seem to be more down than up when you look at an important relationship in your life, you may start to wonder if something more serious is going on.
A relationship is like a job you have to work hard to get in it and you have to work even harder to stay in it.
12 SIGNS THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS HEADING FOR FAILURE
Here are some symptoms that should cause you concern.
1. DISTANCING FROM EACH OTHER
If one or both partners is consistently tuning out, seeking distractions, and making a conscious effort to avoid making a connection, it may be that the bond between you has already been severed. People check out for all kinds of reasons – some temporary, others permanent.
Can you remember the last time you missed your partner? Do you often tell them you love them? Love snuggling up for a cuddle? If these feelings and expressions have become a thing of the past, then your relationship needs a emotional overhaul. If you don’t want to embrace your S/O or you wouldn’t miss them if they left, then its time to move on.
2. NO TIME FOR ONE ANOTHER
Feel like you and your partner just can’t ever find the time for one another? Whether you’re both working a lot – or you just have a conflict of priorities – a couple who never makes time for each other is a couple that cannot thrive.
You don’t always have to be in the same physical space, but you do both have to commit to being emotionally present with one another. It’s hard to connect without that presence. If you don’t have time for each other now, it’s hard to imagine you making more time in the future.
3. OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND
You should not be. They say that relationships should be fifty-fifty, but does your squeeze put a hundred percent into their fifty?
Receiving that text in the morning tells you that you are in their thoughts. Bringing soup or going to the pharmacy for you when you are unwell implies that they are there in the bad times as well. Remembering the great time you both had at the beach and laughing about how they beat you at the game you both made up (you let them win, of course!).
These are just three examples of many of how much you mean to them. It is all about how high you are in their list of priorities.
4. THINKING OF AN ‘ALTERNATIVE’
If you think you’d be happier dating one of your friends, and that that person might want to date you, too … you might be in trouble.
If you catch yourself thinking about the best alternative to your current relationship, the best imagined alternative, or how easily you think you could find someone to replace your current partner – that is a red flag to what is happening in your relationship.
Your thoughts create your actions. What those dreams look like varies from person to person.
But it’s not a good sign when you stop dreaming of being with your man, and instead, start to fantasize about a life with someone else.
5. THERE’S NO TRUST ANY MORE
An occasional lie is forgivable. Depending on your moral outlook and the situation, sometimes even appropriate. But lies about serious matters, or a daily barrage of deception, are seriously harmful.
A single betrayal – or an act perceived as a betrayal – can wipe out a lifetime of trust. Once trust is absent, the relationship is not going to be like it was before. And if you still can’t figure out a way to trust your partner after trying to, then the relationship is going to fail some day, and it’s best to end it sooner rather than later.
6. YOU ARE BORED
Whether it’s because your partner has become dull, or because you have little in common… Boredom is one of the biggest red flags that your relationship is failing and will end.
Because no matter how much you love someone, people need new stimuli. And if they are not coming from the relationship, they have to come from somewhere else.
You or he might go look for those stimuli outside the relationship. Usually, it’s better to end it before either of you does and hurt the other person.
7. YOU’VE GONE OFF SEX
Sex is essential for a healthy relationship. If you notice that your sex life is dying, it is a signal that something is going wrong with the relationship
A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it might be time to end it.
When it’s not going well in the bedroom, things are not going to go well in your relationship either.
There are many things that can cause a lack of intimacy. It could be that you’re both tired after a long day of work. Or it could be something else. But if you want to solve this problem you have to start at the root cause.
8. NO PLANS FOR THE FUTURE
Couples in the throes of romance discuss the future enthusiastically. They regularly discuss things like what’s next in their careers, where they want to live, and whether or not they want to have kids.
Looking toward the future is a relationship ‘vital sign.’ When talk of the future fades, this is usually an indication that the relationship is heading south.
9. BEING SILENT
Silence is golden except in relationships. In relationships, it is reversed – communication is golden.
Are you and your partner not talking about personal or everyday things regularly anymore? Do you find that you hardly talk to one another after work? Do you plop yourself in front of television or binge watch Netflix instead of communicating?
You may think of it as a good way to relax after a hard day at work, but lack of communication will push you further apart. At some point, you will have nothing to share with one another.
If you find yourself caring less and less about what your partner has going on in their life, this distance shouldn’t be ignored.
10. YOU PREFER TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE ELSE
Do you prefer the company of someone else rather than your partner? Then your relationship is probably not going to last long.
Quality time is a pre-requisite for a strong relationship. This is even more difficult if you are in a long-distance relationship.
Once you notice that the amount of quality time you are spending with your partner is going down, it might signal that your relationship is doomed to fail from the start.
11. YOU BADMOUTH YOUR PARTNER
When we love someone, it is usually important that we try to protect the one. Sometimes we are even blind to the fact that the person we are in love with is doing something bad.
If you find out that you feel comfortable talking about your partner’s faults, then you are likely to break up the relationship for soon.
12. DISREGARD OR CONTEMPT
The most serious possible sign; once a relationship is at this point, the odds of survival are low. It’s often a way of turning one’s own despised and unwanted feelings outward, so left alone it may recur in later relationships as well.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO SAVE THE SITUATION?
If you recognize one or more of these patterns in your relationship, that does not necessarily mean you’re destined for a breakup. These signs reflect general trends and might not fit your particular relationship. Plus, if you get the sense that there might be problems, it’s up to you to decide how best to address them.
Keep in mind though, that some relationships are too toxic, and thus not worth holding onto. But if your partnership is worth saving (i.e., it has some redeemable, healthy qualities, or you’re just going through a rough patch), rest assured there are some things you can do.
If things don’t feel right or you’ve noticed some changes, start by talking with your S/O and laying everything out on the proverbial table. Communication is key. Talk to your partner in a relaxed environment and commit to taking steps to make a change. People get comfortable and want to avoid conflict. However, the only ways things change is to work through issues.