Thinking of Spying on Your Partner? Think Again.
It really helps if you…
Pause before you spy.
When you feel the temptation to check in on your spouse, especially if it happens frequently or every day, take a deep breath. You’ll give yourself a chance to make a good decision that will be advantageous to you (and your relationship) in the short and long run even if you merely take a little break to sit still and breathe.
Examine your true motives.
Be truthful to yourself. Do you have a strong basis (supported by credible data) to believe that there is something suspicious going on right now, other from the fact that your spouse had an affair in the past?
Look hard at your temptation to spy and, if it stems from a desire for power, retaliation, envy, or is only motivated by the past, give serious thought to the effects of what you’re about to do. Are you prepared to put the link you’re attempting to repair at risk?
Think deeply about why you think they are cheating.
The tendency for someone with trust difficulties from childhood to feel that everyone is cheating stems from their own issues rather than anything the partner may be doing. If this is the case for you, a therapist can assist you in resolving your trust and betrayal issues and in building your confidence in interpersonal interactions.
Talk to your partner.
You might formally request that your partner be more forthcoming about their interactions with certain persons. Some partners will consent to you viewing their text messages since they have nothing to conceal. Regardless matter whether they are being faithful, other, more private people will resent the control they believe you are attempting to put on them.
Remember that you may express your worries to your spouse in a non-aggressive fashion, allowing them the time to reply and explain their connections and intentions with others.
Think of your relationship.
If everything else fails, you can and should consider calling it quits on the relationship. Being preoccupied with your partner’s conduct and sneaking around behind their back is considerably less healthy than that.
Decide what you will do after that consciously. If you see that your spouse is breaking promises or deceiving you, it’s critical for you to act. While moving ahead (and in the direction you want to go) thoughtfully is what we advise rather than pretending the affair never happened.
